I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
