I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize