Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
