Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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