quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
