I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize