I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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