I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
