My hand turned me down
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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