Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
