U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
