My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
