perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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