"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
