Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
