i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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