Can i not drive my cunt home
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
