I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
