I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
