I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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