omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
