new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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