the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
