As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
