I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
