the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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