Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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