Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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