Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
