i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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