Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
