I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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