I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize