that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
