CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
