There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize