Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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