i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
