I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
