I will die if light touches me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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