It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
