I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
