No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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