having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it's great music for shaving your balls
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
