oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
