The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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