They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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