no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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