holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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