I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize