I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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