Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
