The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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