i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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