Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
