no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
