Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
