i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
