Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
