Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize