my sisters under your porch take her home
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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