Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
