i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
