I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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