it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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