Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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