youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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