..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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