got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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