Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize