Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
