Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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