Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
