Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
