is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she peed on how many people?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
