he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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