what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
