No awkward lesbian experiences without me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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