At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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