sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
