Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
