well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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