I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
