babies were throwing up all over the place
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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