and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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