Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
