Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
