go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
