he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize