Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
