I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
