lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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