We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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