Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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