All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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