Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
