I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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