aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
