I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize