If i come over, it means nothing
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
