From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is Oprah even human
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize