I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
being pregnant is like rehab
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
