I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
