Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize