she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There r osticjed everywhere
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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